My Fiance has AS And I am NT.

We have a long distance relationship but see each other in person occasionally. We've been engaged for a year now. I am 37 and he is 46. There are some things he does I don't understand yet. Sometimes he does things to upset me but he does not mean to. I get hurt easy. But I think I shouldn't have hurt feelings because he doesn't do things to hurt me on purpose. So sometimes I think I should be more understanding of him because he has AS and not take it personally. Or is that a bad idea? Woulkd that give him an excuse to do things I don't like that hurt my feelings? This is all so new to me! We get along great most of the time. After all, we are engaged and really do love each other. I want to learn more on how to live and love him with his AS. :)

[Updated on 7/18/2010 6:54 PM]
  • Maybe,he should come here and talk to other adults with ASD,and ask how they deal with relationships,and get pointers for improving his ability to work through things.If he is unwilling to try,then later down the road,you may regret that you stuck around,but I think coming here is a good idea for both of you.He doesn`t necessarily have to post,but read through old posts.
  • I am ASD and i`m not sure if my husband is or not.I see signs that he is.One thing about both people being on the spectrum,it is hard to bend,and compromise.ASD people need alone time,and if they don`t get it,can feel really overwhelmed,so,this is a big issue,especially if and when kids come along.
  • If you want children,I reccomend checking out the autism research institute,and delaying vaccines,at least until age 4.Spread them out.don`t let them give a bunch of vaccines at once.
  • Welcome to the group and thanks for posting!

    If you're patient and really love this guy, Alanewolf, give him his space and see if he turns around. Trust me: He'll know that you're there for him, if you push yourself on him too much, you'll overwhelm him and chase him away.
  • My husband and I have been married for 20 years. He was just diagnosed with Asperger's. Who he was while courting me in our "whirlwind" courtship is NOT who I have been married to for the past 20 years. Literally from our wedding night on, the attention, sexual intimacy, you name it......stopped. It was as if he thought, "Well, I bagged and tagged my wife..mission accomplished...". It can be a very lonely, miserable relationship at times. I couldn't understand why I could communicate well with everyone-except my husband. Intimacy on ANY level is non-existent and after time, that comes at a price. Having said that, knowledge is, indeed, power. My husband and I have four children and our youngest is now being tested for Asperger's. If he does, would I leave HIM??? No. Obviously, I would not. I made a marriage covenant for better or worse. Truthfully, my husband and I are relieved that there is a reason for our issues...and it of no fault of either one. That was then. This is NOW. Each Aspi is different with their own strengths and weaknesses like you and I. I would encourage you to learn everything you possibly can about the spectrum disorder and find a trained therapist to help you both, together, through some pre-marital counseling so you can enter your marriage with some valuable tools to help you each navigate through the challenges as they arise. Make no mistake, there will be challenges! Look for other healthy ways to meet some of your needs such as joining local support groups. If there are none in your area.....host one! I can truly empathize with "tired wife". She is being truly authentic in her response as it is her experience and we all need to be heard. I highly recommend you read "22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome" (Paperback – May 15, 2009
    by Rudy Simone (Author))
  • My husband and I have been married for 20 years. He was just diagnosed with Asperger's. Who he was while courting me in our "whirlwind" courtship is NOT who I have been married to for the past 20 years. Literally from our wedding night on, the attention, sexual intimacy, you name it......stopped. It was as if he thought, "Well, I bagged and tagged my wife..mission accomplished...". It can be a very lonely, miserable relationship at times. I couldn't understand why I could communicate well with everyone-except my husband. Intimacy on ANY level is non-existent and after time, that comes at a price. Having said that, knowledge is, indeed, power. My husband and I have four children and our youngest is now being tested for Asperger's. If he does, would I leave HIM??? No. Obviously, I would not. I made a marriage covenant for better or worse. Truthfully, my husband and I are relieved that there is a reason for our issues...and it of no fault of either one. That was then. This is NOW. Each Aspi is different with their own strengths and weaknesses like you and I. I would encourage you to learn everything you possibly can about the spectrum disorder and find a trained therapist to help you both, together, through some pre-marital counseling so you can enter your marriage with some valuable tools to help you each navigate through the challenges as they arise. Make no mistake, there will be challenges! Look for other healthy ways to meet some of your needs such as joining local support groups. If there are none in your area.....host one! I can truly empathize with "tired wife". She is being truly authentic in her response as it is her experience and we all need to be heard. I highly recommend you read "22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome" (Paperback – May 15, 2009
    by Rudy Simone (Author))
  • My husband and I have been married for 20 years. He was just diagnosed with Asperger's. Who he was while courting me in our "whirlwind" courtship is NOT who I have been married to for the past 20 years. Literally from our wedding night on, the attention, sexual intimacy, you name it......stopped. It was as if he thought, "Well, I bagged and tagged my wife..mission accomplished...". It can be a very lonely, miserable relationship at times. I couldn't understand why I could communicate well with everyone-except my husband. Intimacy on ANY level is non-existent and after time, that comes at a price. Having said that, knowledge is, indeed, power. My husband and I have four children and our youngest is now being tested for Asperger's. If he does, would I leave HIM??? No. Obviously, I would not. I made a marriage covenant for better or worse. Truthfully, my husband and I are relieved that there is a reason for our issues...and it of no fault of either one. That was then. This is NOW. Each Aspi is different with their own strengths and weaknesses like you and I. I would encourage you to learn everything you possibly can about the spectrum disorder and find a trained therapist to help you both, together, through some pre-marital counseling so you can enter your marriage with some valuable tools to help you each navigate through the challenges as they arise. Make no mistake, there will be challenges! Look for other healthy ways to meet some of your needs such as joining local support groups. If there are none in your area.....host one! I can truly empathize with "tired wife". She is being truly authentic in her response as it is her experience and we all need to be heard. I highly recommend you read "22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome" (Paperback – May 15, 2009
    by Rudy Simone (Author))
  • My husband and I have been married for 20 years. He was just diagnosed with Asperger's. Who he was while courting me in our "whirlwind" courtship is NOT who I have been married to for the past 20 years. Literally from our wedding night on, the attention, sexual intimacy, you name it......stopped. It was as if he thought, "Well, I bagged and tagged my wife..mission accomplished...". It can be a very lonely, miserable relationship at times. I couldn't understand why I could communicate well with everyone-except my husband. Intimacy on ANY level is non-existent and after time, that comes at a price. Having said that, knowledge is, indeed, power. My husband and I have four children and our youngest is now being tested for Asperger's. If he does, would I leave HIM??? No. Obviously, I would not. I made a marriage covenant for better or worse. Truthfully, my husband and I are relieved that there is a reason for our issues...and it of no fault of either one. That was then. This is NOW. Each Aspi is different with their own strengths and weaknesses like you and I. I would encourage you to learn everything you possibly can about the spectrum disorder and find a trained therapist to help you both, together, through some pre-marital counseling so you can enter your marriage with some valuable tools to help you each navigate through the challenges as they arise. Make no mistake, there will be challenges! Look for other healthy ways to meet some of your needs such as joining local support groups. If there are none in your area.....host one! I can truly empathize with "tired wife". She is being truly authentic in her response as it is her experience and we all need to be heard. I highly recommend you read "22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome" (Paperback – May 15, 2009
    by Rudy Simone (Author))