Husband not coping, I am emotionally drained.

Our son is age 4,(grandchild), but long story short we adopted him so we could care for him 1 year after birth so we would not have to keep going back and forth to court. My husband is just not getting over it. He continues to harp on what was, and how we came to be where we are now with starting over with another child to raise. Our son was diagnosed with ASD Level 1, ADHD-severe, and SPD this past September. Our son's behavior is just horrible at times, and he does not understand when he does really bad things. He recently put our cat in a small ice chest and closed it. I found her about 10 minutes later almost dead. He has to be constantly and closely watched. We decided, or so I thought (we) did, that I would stay home and teach him. He was not learning anything at the learning center that we had put him in. He had been there for a year and was having trouble just communicating. I asked for a speech and OT consult, I was right. Thereafter I really started working with him on my days off from my then job, but it was a real struggle to keep him on tasks. It has always been a struggle with a morning routine, or just getting him ready to go anywhere at any time until this past year. It has really made a difference with me staying home with him. Of course one income really hurts our household, but we have been able to deal with it or so I thought. My husband does not understand why our son screams, tries to hurt our animals, and when you try to talk to him it's like he is ignoring you. My husband refused to go with me to get the evaluation results for our son from the psychologist back in September. He refuses to help me take care of him during the day when he is home with us so I can just go to the bathroom. He refuses to read or ,listen to anything that I have read, any information that I try to share with him, he says he has no time for. I am just really sad, hurt, and emotionally drained. I believe my husband may have some Autistic behaviors. I discussed it with the psychologist, and she agreed that I was probably right. I just do not know what to do in this situation. Our daily challenges and coping with every day things are sometimes overwhelming especially when my husband is yelling at me about finances, but I someone to give me some advice on what to do! I am having a hard time with my son's pediatrician wanting to medicate my son with blood pressure meds. but I just cannot bring myself to do that! I am looking for another pediatrician. Our private medical insurance will not cover a diagnosis of autism or developmental delay and that is very upsetting. We make too much money for our son to qualify for state medicaid insurance. We are just sort of left with out help to an extent and I am stuck in the middle!

  • Would love to speak with you. Our stories sound very similar. Husband not understanding, and blaming you. Our son
    was my third cousin. I do not medicate him, but I have found some help through online sources. I get the lack of funds, and
    why are we doing this, which my husband brings up to me on a weekly basis. Blessings Lonnie
  • Would love to speak with you.  Our stories sound very similar.  Husband not understanding, and blaming you.  Our son

    was my third cousin.  I do not medicate him, but I have found some help through online sources.  I get the lack of funds, and

    why are we doing this, which my husband brings up to me on a weekly basis.  Blessings Lonnie

  • Hi Mandy

    I can certainly empathise with your situation, I saw no choice but to stop working to help my son. But you asked for advice and your situation is a little different than mine. Firstly, you said your private health insurance doesn't cover autism. Really??!! I''m not sure they can do that. I'd sure check with your state's 'Insurance Commission' to make sure that's legal.

    It sounds like you and your husband had vastly different expectations about what was going to happen with your grandson who is now your son. Honestly, If I were in your position the way you've described it I'd probably go back to work to take some of the financial pressure off your husband. I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think it's what I'd do, and I say that as a mom who at one point quit working to protect my child, and even for a few years homeschooled him. I'm sure your good at providing training for your son while your at home with him, but I wonder if you'd be in a better position to get more help if you had more insurance and financial options.

    PS. My son and I qualified for medicaid at one point and while there were some services available, they are not all (services) available to all (people w/ autism) who get medicaid. There is some rationing and many hoops to jump through. (I don't see medicaid as the answer - even when it's all we had)

    I know something different works for each child and family, but it sounds like your situation when you wrote this wasn't working as well for you in some respects as you'd hoped. I hope you're able to find what does.

    Best wishes,
    Beryl.