25 Year Old Son with Aspergers

I have a 25 year old son with Aspergers.  I really struggle with trying to sort out what he is capable of versus when he is manipulating me.  In this past year I moved him into his own apartment as we could no longer live together.  A combination of his lack of cleanliness and laziness along with his feelings of righteousness made it impossible for us to liver together.  He has been unable to keep a job as he does not show up on time or does not show up at all.  He apartment is not just messy but almost to the point of unsafe dirty.  He doesn't do his laundry, refuses to wear deodorant which creates a hygiene issue.  His claim is I have am the reason he doesn't do well in life, that I have made his condition worse because I didn't help him enough when he was younger.  He threatens to sue me for neglect emotionally and financially, yet although I have not been a perfect parent by any means, he has never gone without and I tried countless times to help him by getting him counselling and work support which he always drops the ball on.  I have offered to get him a housekeeper which he refuses to let in.  He wants only me to help him, yet he is angry with me. The problems have driven me to a place where I have a really hard time being around him, which makes me feel really bad (although I constantly monitor him  to make sure he is ok, he only lives a couple of blocks from me ) I realize he struggles because of his challenges but it is really hard for me to help someone who is not willing and blaming.  Advice Please.

  • Oh my goodness, I can certainly relate. We went through the same thing but now at 27, things have improved. He was able to attend college on a Vocational Rehab scholarship. They paid for a studio apartment on campus & every so often the college would check on cleanliness, so he had to deal with them. He began to clean up the apartment for their inspection. He agreed on his own to see a therapist which he first saw in the office but next visits were home visits so that enable to see his home environment. Once I got out of the picture & had others help things improved. It's not perfect but much better than it was.
  • Oh my goodness, I can certainly relate. We went through the same thing but now at 27, things have improved. He was able to attend college on a Vocational Rehab scholarship. They paid for a studio apartment on campus & every so often the college would check on cleanliness, so he had to deal with them. He began to clean up the apartment for their inspection. He agreed on his own to see a therapist which he first saw in the office but next visits were home visits so that enable to see his home environment. Once I got out of the picture & had others help things improved. It's not perfect but much better than it was.
  • Oh my goodness, I can certainly relate. We went through the same thing but now at 27, things have improved. He was able to attend college on a Vocational Rehab scholarship. They paid for a studio apartment on campus & every so often the college would check on cleanliness, so he had to deal with them. He began to clean up the apartment for their inspection. He agreed on his own to see a therapist which he first saw in the office but next visits were home visits so that enable to see his home environment. Once I got out of the picture & had others help things improved. It's not perfect but much better than it was.