Gavia Immer

I chose to partially disclose my AS because my company uses a behaviour based work appraisal that does not take neurodiversity into account, nor a person's effectiveness in their job. I think it was a sensible choice but if I didn't have a good working relationship with my manager, it could have gone very wrong.

For those with AS who are, or have been, in full time employment, have you ever been in a situation where you have chosen to disclose or self advocate and did you get the result you wanted?

drcrank

I am most reluctant to do so. Despite official compnay policy supporting "diversity" they really don't. As I have written before if you are a minority, you are expected to act white, if you are gay, it better not be evident. Companies value conformity.

drcrank

I must add this. When I sought official diagnosis, I paid for it all myself rather than using insurance. I did not want either my employer or the insurance company to know.

Gavia Immer

So what stops you?

The potential social stigma of 'having something wrong upstairs', the fear that it will make getting and keeping a job or insurance more difficult, or the idea that people who may now see you as odd and are tolerant will see you differently?

Kali67

Hard one to tell or not to tell. I am selective, close friends and family for now and thats it. Not something I would share in a professional situation unless it was appropriate and affected my performance in my work. I'm too conscientious and if I feel that I cannot give my employer the best of me, then I will inform them of the reasons as to why.

I recently spoke with my doctor about getting diagnoses, (un-dx'd here) he strongly suggests against it and even our local autism support site in NZ have their doubts that it would be of benefit to be dx'd due to the potential threat of it going against people on the spectrum in the future with regards to health insurance etc. My doctor feels the same, there seems to be some controversy here in NZ with coming out of the closet.

I spoke to a local shopkeeper when I first realized I was on the spectrum, she offered me a job part time to look after her shop during the day. I told her I had ASD and her initial response was "would I be ok with the customers and can I work the EFTPOS machine without making mistakes" Quietly I had to laugh about the ignorance of some people sometimes. I've been working in the hospitality industry for years and have worked with far more complex technology than EFTPOS in my time. Disappointing really but on some level I find it a challenge to re-educate them.

Warren Maverick

My experience is that employers (or others) will be tolerant, as long as you seem to resemble them most of the time. After they conclude you are different, even if you are excellent or superb for the job at hand, they lose confidence, or worse, suspect you are not trustworthy because you seem different, and then, they begin to badger you with the most trivial nonsense available, hoping you will decide to go away. Absolutely, do not tell them, or even hint that you are aware you're on the ASD spectrum.

gyro812

Hi I'm gyro812 and an Adult with Aspergers and father of two Aspergers children.
I believe you have to weigh up each situation. In some situations it can be a learning experience for someone and in others appeal to the judgmental side of the uninformed and stupid.
I have been in the situation of working as a staff member of a school and being confronted by an angry parent linch mob bent on throwing me out of the school after it had come out on the news that a gunman who had shot a lot of people including kids was suspected of having Aspergers. This happened about seven years ago. It was known that I had Aspergers because of a trust I ran for Aspergers children to support them in mainstream schools.
But don't take any notice of these idiots. Aspergers is not a disease , you can't catch it off anyone else but merely a condition that probably in many respects makes us a little smarter than some. I have no problems and no shame telling the world I have Aspergers and I promote it to my children who have it as well as a gift. They have no self esteem issues as a result. Just be wise who you tell and why , but don't be ashamed and treat it like a disease or you let the rest of Aspergers people down. God bless and keep your chin up.
Gyro812

Jahki Brown

I am fortunate in having my own business, I can be who ever I want to be and the person I want to be is me... The Autistic person who can be brilliant in ways NT can't even get close to. I tell every one and I expect them to get it. I am so much more in touch with myself and who I am since I was diagnosed because it explained so much about me, how I think and why my life has been the way it has. For all the difficulties I love t my Autism and my Autistic intelligence, admittedly I couldn't cope out in the work force so I feel sorry for my Spectrum brothers and sisters who have to hide and pretend to be NTand live accordingly because that takes so much effort it probably doesn't leave enough time and energy to know and love your Autism and in that you're really missing out,

zeeba1

I just wanted to say I am reading these posts with interest because in a few years time my 13 year old will be in this position, or sooner when he moves to college. I do worry about his future, he is very able but I worry he will be underachieving his potential. Hopefully with you guys doing some educating slowly things may improve, whether enough to have an impact we will have to watch and hope. At the moment he is not too friendly with people cos he has been hurt so much over the years and goes on the defensive straight away, it looks like he needs to learn to pretend to be social if he is to get on in a work place. Actually next year he has to spend two weeks in a work place, all of the kids do, I need to try to find somewhere friendly at least if he is to survive. So please keep posting you are helping loads, thanks.

drcrank

Love your autism? Good grief jahki! Do you read any of the e-mails from the desperate parents that are struggling with this? The non-verbal kids? Do you really think that "loving your autism" will help these people? Do you understand what a struggle this is for the high functioning?
Do you really believe that this disorder is compensated by super intelligence?
Are you even on the spectrum? Here's a direct question - are you self-diagnosed or were you diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional?

dalcassian

I love the way I think. It has allowed me to be the person that i am and to live the life that I live, and if I were not able to love those things I would be a miserable wretch of a person. My condition is not exactly the same as any other person's condition, so no fault on them if someone else feels differently.

Having said all that, I do not discuss my condition with people i work with. If I did, my livelihood would depend on them understanding. That is not something i am needing or wanting to depend on right now.

Tivah Brown

Zeeba, if he likes animals maybe he could do his two weeks at a vet's office or the animal shelter. If you find what he really likes or somethign that calms him, he'll be better able to handle the social stuff that accompanies the task.
-----------------------
Jahki, please spare us the consequence of a personal retort to that list of questions from drcrank. No matter what you say it will end up with great debate. Perhaps you could reply privately or refer him to your other postings. Nothing will be gained from another back and forth on this one.

------------

drcrank I totally understand where you are coming from that autism is hard and many people don't like having it. But some love their unique view of the world and wouldn't wish to lose that, even if they could lose the negative difficulties they have. The way you phrase your questions to Jahki sets the stage for a confrontation. Please try to ask a question that opens dialogue rather than just a fight......for the sake of all others here. You know that those last two questions were meant to instigate.

Gavia Immer

Zeeba, I arranged a work placement for an autistic teenager earlier this year.

Depending on what you son is 'into' choose a quiet situation in a suitable workplace. Whilst this may go against everything said here, ensure that his ASD is represented fairly to a prospective work placement so they can ensure that it's a postive experience no matter what may happen. The teenager we 'employed' was very open about his ASD and interests.

I was able to let him know of the kind of tasks that he would be asked to do and describe the office so that he wasn't overly surprised when he got to us. We also allowed his classroom assistant to be with him the first two days and on a limited basis for the rest of the week until he was ready to be on his own.

I took the time to explain to others in the office what to expect and tell them just to go with the flow and take whatever happened in a very matter of fact way. They gave the young man time and space to settle in and let him engage on his own terms at first. We soon discovered that we had a very bright, quirky, and capable teenager on our hands.

It was a positive experience for everyone. In fact it went much better than most NT work experience placements. And the young man left us with a level of confidence that he didn't have before we had him.

If you find that the work experience 'employer' you choose has no experience with ASD, offer what you know. Ask for what you need to prepare your son for the experience, and if you or a classroom aid can be with him for a day or two and available as needed then all the better. Do whatever is needed for a positive experience. It's very likely that it will not just be your son who will be learning from it.

Jahki Brown

I managed 3 days a week at best in primary school and the days i when i was there and managed to stay, i would have at least 2 melt downs and very often just walked out and went home any way, i couldn't go into shopping centers, wear shoes or tolerate most fabrics. i still can't tolerate wearing any colors except black or off white, there are still days when i can't get out of the house because i can't relate to myself enough to get dressed., noise is still a problem and sensory overload still happens unexpectedly although I can usually control my responses these days or avoid situation when it 's likely to happen i occasionally still experience snap rages but have to be really pushed these days, I can't add up,my IQ is just about moron status (re:IQ testing) I still get lost at the shopping center I've been going to for 20 years. I cannot define left from right without full concentration and even then i can get it wrong. In high school the art room had to be opened specially for me so i could escape my peers. I had severe speech impediment before speech therapy in high school and couldn't hear or comprehend instructions . i couldn't maintain a job for more than 2 months at a time and still panic on public transport, my health issue are so far out on the spectrum that i have been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis re : 3 separate body salt tests, my mother was given no expectation that i would live past my early twenties. My life has been unbelievably hard. I am diagnosed HFA and had some low function characteristics as a child like rocking and wailing; most nights were spent ion the passage with my stomach blown out like a
balloon because of food intolerance, the health and psychological issues were horrific....

AM I SUPPOSED TO BE ASHAMED AND EMBARRASSED ABOUT THIS?...

I'm not, i spent my late teens living on the streets in Melbourne and my early twenties retreating to live in an isolated shack in the bush by myself. (i can go on about my difficult life for hours this is just a few surface twinges). No one looked after me, there was no help so I looked after myself. i had a choice i could have given up on myself and I chose instead to live according to who and what I was, not that i knew about Autism then , i have spent my life healing myself from the trauma of being an Autistic person in a Neurotypical world with out knowing I was Autistic. I learnt how to use my very brilliant Autistic to make adjustment. I have a BA i which I got in my late 20's inspite of my almost illegible writing. i have raised my son who carries both the Cystic Fibrosis gene and Autism to be a very successful functional human being and I use my very intelligent Autistic mind and sensitivity to help other people NT and AS and to provide income for myself through my abilities that come from my Autistic intelligence..... I Love my AUTISM, you can't go through all of that and not love it. I am in love with the that unbelievably hard journey . i get that there are people with children who are low function and more severely affected than me but i think they are intelligent people trapped in malfunction because they are not relating to their environment... and that includes their body. and conscious mind . My answer to Autism is to stop assessments according to NT criteria and to build strategies to reach them on their terms, you will find the intelligence hidden in the trauma...

As for you drcrank don't push me.. because if you're not careful I will do an interpretation of you and put it up for public display as I have just done for myself, and as for those adult ASD who are buying into the disability aspect only instead of the intelligence aspect.. its time you stopped being victims and became courageous and interesting. Tivah please don't instruct me on my responses I don't expect to be attacked on this forum and leave myself undefended any more than any one else does. drcrank is extremely limited, unpleasant and negative and uses this forum to express his own powerlessness by attacking others that he thinks might be minority in their attitudes and belief. He is entitled to his say but not at my expense. I don't feel any thing about this, this is a forum for people to express their difficulties., I understand that but when do people express their triumphs or their children's triumphs or is that not allowed .

mumofanna

Zeeba.,... Our children can totally surprise us. The school arranged Anna's work experience...in Waitrose of all places. And get this.... she flourished.:oD to the point that they said that they would give her a job when she was 16.

They loved the fact that she was quiet and got on with the job. Anna will follow clear instructions as long as she knows what she is doing. And although she found people very scary when she was young, I have noticed that she has become a bit of a people watcher...She fascinated by them... a trait that is shared by her mother.(me) :0)

Hope this gives you some hope....

I know that there are many hardships and trials, and believe me we are still facing them.. but on the positive ...they can and do surprise us regularly.

Good luck with everything...

Oh and my son with severe adhd found work experience with car mechanics...he was like a
different person... still a cheeky chappie though, and they loved him.

WIth much love from Elizabeth

Jahki Brown

And to answer your question drcrank, yes I do believe loving Autism is the only way to deal with it and yes I do think super intelligence compensates for NT malfunction if you want it to, its in the perception of the experience not the experience itself....

[Updated on 11/16/2009 6:09 PM]

Jahki Brown

I didn't mentioning the hours of screaming , the hair thing, the clumsiness, the bizzare behaviors, the excessive body language, the constant fear, the grief , the isolation, I mentioned the snap rages didn't i.... Do you want to tell me about Autism drcrank? just now i'm having an Autistic moment and i'm smiling because my responses don't always mirror how i feel ..... Actually now i'm over it.. stop attacking people crank you mostly don't seem to have a clue what you writing about..... and yes i still love Autism and myself within it you should try it some time it might help you

[Updated on 11/16/2009 6:40 PM]

Gavia Immer

The way I'd like people to understand ASD in the workplace is to simply to see it as no more noteworthy than the colour of a person's eyes, or the size of their feet. The reality is that we have to live in an NT world and people find it difficult to interact with us when we don’t make a effort to understand and follow the accepted social cues and social rules.

If I couldn't read or write well, it wouldn’t be suitable for me to have a job that requires writing policies and reports. If I couldn't do maths, then it wouldn't do well for me to have a job doing statistical analysis. If I can't get along well in social situations then it wouldn't be appropriate for me to have a job as a tour guide interacting with people and answering endless questions (even the thought of it makes me cringe). I do what I can with what I have, some doors are closed, others are open, it's the same for everyone, AS or NT.

If I find that my intensity or habit of making direct comments offends someone, I will tell them in a very matter of fact way that I get caught up in the moment and don't always realise that what I say may offend. I could just tell people what I think and let the bodies fall where they may but, however thick my skin may be, I have come to realise that the NT people around me have feelings and emotions that I will never know. It wouldn’t be right to expect anyone to make allowances for my differences if I am not making allowances for theirs. It's part of the job and a part of connecting with society. Most days I don't even think about being AS anymore, it's just a part of who I am, nothing more.

zeeba1

Hi I have just got back from school after a annual review meeting, where issues like work experience and leaving school were discussed. After years of trying to get social skill classes and such up and running in school, just to find he can't or for an unknown reason mange to use them, I have now told them that I want now for the focus to be on what he is really good at and only focus on that. He has grown up with adults talking about what his deficiencies are and after learning so much on this site I feel it needs to change. He has a brilliant memory and a deep understanding of science and once he is into something he spends hours researching it, these are his talents. I have had to accept he is the way he is and he will when he is ready, or when he has left school learn about his true self like you all have had to do. He has always had a mature side, and although I will never stop being there or worrying I feel it is time to give him ownership of his own life and destiny, he has not had much of a childhood, he has spent most of it anxious and worrying with irrational thoughts. Maybe some of this will always stay with him, but I have had to learn that as hard as it is he is a strong person and like all of you has it in him to achieve.

Gavia, I want him to be able to say what you have, and that he can go most days without thinking about having AS, and happily live in his own skin. I suppose as a mum I can only help him grown his wings, but one day he will have to fly on his own, in the direction he choses.

Gavia Immer

Zeeba, congrats for taking a stand with the school. Schools need to see students as individuals with potential rather than just differences.

I think Science is a great start. There are many careers where differences are more tolerated and the ability to have a narrow focus and to undertake detailed research is exactly what is needed to succeed. I worked in electronics when I left school and gradually moved into other areas as I developed more social habits and more of a tolerance for social interaction. It wasn't easy, I learned a few very hard lessons along the way, but who doesn't?

mumofanna

Zeeba, :o)

That last post in itself tells me what a great mum you are. Your son will reach HIS full potential and no matter what he has to face, he will have you helping him.

In all the trials and tribulations of life, you will be there beside him allowing him to choose his goals. He will know that he can reach them because he has a brilliant mum behind him either giving him a step to stand on should it be required, a seat to rest on when needed and a little push too if that is what is required.

Sorry Zeeba, don't have much to say as you said it all....I just wanted to simply say well done, your son is lucky to have you..

WIth much love from

Elizabeth

[Updated on 11/17/2009 6:47 AM]

Mama Nix

Zandra, my dear friend, I totally agree with Liz, you are an absolutely brilliant Mum and Simon will do brilliantly with you and Nicola there to guide him.

He is a son to be proud of and he will achieve his potential because you believe in him and will encourage him to believe in himself.

Much love

Nix

gilstamp

Jahki, you have made a brilliant adjustment to your environment through discovering yourself. I was always aware that I had made an extra effort to overcome handicaps and succeed in life because of the mistreatment by my stepfather from four years old. I did not know about AS until i was 62 but I knew something was different about me. I thought it was only the trauma and that everyone thought as I did but that I was repressed. This last year has been a revelation. I am constantly learning about myself and all of you and your different courses to finding the way to live best.
Differences of opinion are catalysts to finding the way by bringing to the fore those things which would not otherwise be discussed and stirring those of us who otherwise are content to merely observe to contribute.

sarita

Hi Zeeba i will use the same words for my son.i got updated his home programe for sensory integration and education planning.I was told to tell him about his asd status and ask him to advocate himself,but pls tell me how he can tell if understading of language is not proper(pragmatics). He can'nt choose proper impressive words or will they listen and understand hiscondition.Gavia,you are lucky,that you have good working relationship with manager,otherwise not many persons bother about their employee,(or teacher,neigbours etc in my son's case). he has very sharp memory,and extremly interested in science specially life science,good at sketching and shading.he is praised for it but whenever a issue like bossing,diminished auditory memory( can't understand fully and retain pharases lectured), distraction even with slithest issue ,are hard to make them understand.here in my country not much is done for asd case going in mainstream school, they are regarded as NTs,only some school special educators and consuller are there, and they recognize only learing disablitied . We have to take help from outside anf literally push that knowedge on them and ask to do, what is recommended or face the sitution ourselves.

may be in future i shall be able to give words to my son to advocate for himself and face less problems

[Updated on 11/20/2009 1:39 AM]

sarita

[Updated on 11/23/2009 2:12 AM]

marysue

Sandra - your simon will grow to be a great individual - I didnt have much of a childhood - for reasons similar but not as extreme as Jahki - constant fear, isolation, inhibition, aware that i wass totally different to others - Like Jahki I owuld not go back on the dreaful times and change a thing - so proud am I now of who I am and where I am (except when in meltdown!!!) I also spent years homeless, smoking far too much dope - but i have learnt to live with and love myself for who I am , despite the difficulties os navigating through this NT world.

Jahki - thank you for defending yourself - Drcranks response made me feel small for feeling the way I do - and your response made me feel myself again, big, bold, beautiful and proud - ME, and HAPPY with it - that is a great gift!

I think it is alot easier to disclose in britain - People here in my experiance are much more understanding of it - that said - I do work in a school with very high incidence - both in the students AND the staff!!

its hard for the parents to watch, but your children can come through the hardship to be so much more than they might have been without it, so much comapssion, love, understanding for the world.

Thanks guys!

Rania Z

In Egypt, we don't have much awareness about Asperger's. At a birthday party, some parents asked me why my son wasn't participating in the group games and why he was following ants instead. I decided to educate them about what I knew about Asperger's, hoping to spread knowledge. My 6 year-old son stopped having a lot of play dates after I told them he had AS. It's sad to be living in a judgmental world. I truly believe that one day, my boy is going to do something significant in the world of animals/nature/science; he just needs to be surrounded by people who believe in him.

autism momma

I don`t think people in America have much awhareness of aspergers either.Is there a local support group for people/kids with aspergers?Maybe you could have playdates with other asperger kids.That is another reason,I struggle with the decesion to come out about it myself,and with my young daughter.People are very judgemental.Not all people,but many are.It is possible some of the other kids at the party are on the spectrum,and it just hasn`t been discovered yet.Everyone has different degrees of impairment,Some strong in some areas,and weak in others.

zeeba1

Rania I am sorry you had to go through that, although I must let you know here in the UK it is much the same from my experience. I have had similar experiences but I try not to focus on their ignrorance, instead like you I believe my son will do amazing things, although I am beginning to think it is once he is out of our school system and he can be himself. I think not being invited to parties and that kind of thing actually hurt me more than him, but now he is 13 it is less significant. Good luck for the future and keep in touch with us, welcome to ASN.

autism momma

I did work at a job for 10 years,and I didn`t know then that I had AS.Would I have told if I knew,I doubt it.Looking back,I see some people now that could also have fit the description at my place of employment.I just can`t decide if it would be in my best interest or not.

autism momma

Rania,I have a 4 year old.She seems to be struggling a bit acedemically.She is still young,so I can`t say for sure.Mostly she has memory problems in regards to the name of a letter,color or shape,although she has made a lot of progress with the addition of EFAs to her diet.Check out the book The LCP Solution.

Rania Z

Thank you Zeeba & Justin. Justin, what does EFA & LCP stand for? I'm not familiar with a lot of acronyms unfortunately.

Linda Riviello

I feel that the book "Super Senses" by Dyllan Rafail is a great way to let your child understand what he/she is feeling and that they are not alone. Also a great tool for educators as well as family members, friends and the community as a whole.
This book is written and illustrated by a 12 yr old.

www.kbrpublishingco.com

autism momma

LCP and EFa.Nutritional supplements.EFA stands for essential fatty acids.Necessary for proper brain funtion.Our modern diets are severely lacking in EFAs.You can find the book on Amazon and get reviews about the book.Some of the EFAs it talks about,primarily fish oils,primrose oil,vitamin E is also needed for memory.These deficiencies are contributing to ADD,Dyslexia,and other learning disorders.I have been giving my daughter high amounts of EFAs for awhile,and have seen progress in her speech.She was a late talker,Also problem pronouncing certain sounds.This is better.Also she had trouble remembering colors,shapes,letter,and numbers.She has improved a lot in that area as well.

Rania Z

I give my son Omega 3 tablets; is that considered an EFA? I'll ask about vitamin E at our pharmacy.

autism momma

Yes.High amount of fish oil,and primrose oil can improve brain function.

autism momma

I also use pumpkin seed oil.

Rania Z

I'm going to be telling my 6 year-old that he has Asperger's very soon. I will be moving him next year from mainstream to a special needs school that tailors a specific learning program based on Seif's capabilities rather than what he should be doing at his grade level. The special needs school asked me to have Seif "try" the school for 3 days to see if he is comfortable with the students & campus, and also see if the other students are comfortable with Seif (otherwise, he will not be enrolled). This trial will happen the first week of Feb., so I feel that I need to explain what we are doing and why.

Any advice on how to break the news to him? I'm thinking of having him watch one of the videos posted on this website of a high functioning autistic boy named Evy (so that he doesn't feel alone), and then expand on it. One of my main fears, however, is that he uses AS as an excuse not to try and I wouldn't know when he's just being lazy or when he truly doesn't understand/is confused. Please help!

domsdad

hi z
you may come to find out that the child already knows. dominic was always telling me that his brain thinks differently than mine or his sisters long before i ever really told him.
as a matter of fact he knew before i had him dxd.
i think he may already have me beat on the birds and the bees too.
im glad to see you posting.
leo

rbalogh

rania, I agree with domsdad, your son already knows hes different, and proably wonders what is worng with him. A state of uncertainty will increase ansiety and inhibit function. I thibk he will welcome an explanation which is given in a loving way. I would also research and add a list of very successful (some fameous) people who likely had AS (Einstine, Isaac Newton, Leonarado Divinci) My doctor believes Bill Gates (microsoft) probably has AS. Do not worry, this should go very well.

I came across an earlier post about how much affection your son shows you. That is because you are joining him in his world, rather than trying to get him to join your world. Once you join him you can teach him the tools to join or navigate in the NT (neurotypical) world.

Roger

Xyz000

Hi all,

I think there is no one answer that suit everyone’s situation. One of my uni friends whose 9 y.o. Aspenger’s son has been diagnosed recently has no a moral dilemma. On the one hand she feels that she’s underachieving in her life but on the other she has no intention of been diagnosed. One side of her that she is an intelligent and bright lady, fun to be with and the other, that she can’t live without anti-depressants for over 7 years.

I assume that in her case her son is her priority and sorting him out is her today’s top agenda (at the end of the day there are some limits what one can handle physically and emotionally taking into account that her hubby was against of this diagnosis from the beginning). Her hubby, if I understood everything correctly, has a learning disability too.

Needless to say that her quiet and friendly boy, HP Aspenger’s, with excellent math and poor social skills is not popular and has no friends. All he wants is to play with other kids and all he gets is abuse and neglect from ‘dear little ones’. He hates his school and often cries on Sundays because frighten that Monday to Friday will bring more pain that he could handle in his 9.

My friend says that he is in a good school and got some support that our government promised in his case.
Tanya

dalcassian

i can remember the exact moment that i figured out that something was different about my mind.

i was really little, I don't remember how old. It was before I started talking much, but after i understood most of what people said to me.

My Uncle David was pointing at something, and refering to it with words, something like, "look, there's a bird", and I was looking at his finger and thinking that it didn't look much like a bird to me. he said something to the effect of, no look, right THERE, and did something with his hand to emphasize it. It still just looked like a hand with one finger extended.

So he said something to my mom, and he and my mom and my aunt and grandmother were all staring at me, using louder than normal and more high-pitched than normal voices, and I felt really self-conscious, and someone physically turned my body and moved my head to look at the direction he wanted me to look, and i was totally confused.

Later on, it was explained to me that by making that gesture, he intended for me to sight along an imaginary line segment extending in the direction of his finger, until the line segment intersected with an object in space, and that object was the referrent of his words.

I was further given to understand that no one else needed this explained to them, not even when they were really little. And that my elders seemed very ashamed by this lack of comprehension, whereas they had always seemed proud of me before.

They way they decided to deal with this was by never speaking of the incident again. and perhaps that was the right decision for that time and place. but these days I think it would be reassuring to explain to the child that their mind is structured differently, and that it is not necessarily a bad thing, just a different set of challenges than what most people have.

gyro812

To tell or not to tell.
Sorry people I think I interpreted the question wrong and thought it refered to us Aspies telling other people. I didn't realise it was refering to telling your child that he or she has Aspergers.As I'm not one to take the blame , I'll blame the cook. However telling your child that he or she is an Aspie? My answer to that is definately yes. I have found over the twelve years I've worked with Aspie children and teens that there are certain stages where they may need additional support such as going into Adolescence. Experience has shown me that the later you leave it , the harder it is and the more likely the denial. Once this happens you can't do much to help them.Where people make a big mistake and I mean big mistake is they approach it like a disease or it's something they need to hide and keep secret. The trick is which I did with my own children was teach them that they had a special gift , special purpose and it's cool to be different and I never focused on the disability side or talked about it around the children, Because I'm an Aspie as well we joked about it and had each other on . The children called me Fuzzy , my oldest son was junior fuzzy and my youngest fuzzy wuzzy. A boy with Aspergers who stayed with us that made a buzzing sound we called buzzy fuzzy and to us all Aspies were fuzzies. In our home were open about it and made a positive feature out of it. Both my boys have great self esteems and cope well socially and have great sense of humours as well as top stream students. I f people make comments about their disability they just make a joke out of it and it doesn't worry them .It is vital to tell your child but your approach and how you go about it is also vital. Make it a positive thing , introduce lots of humour but what ever you do don't be negitive. If you communicate that it's something to be a shamed of , you are communicating to the child that he or she is retarded or has something about them to be ashamed of. regards Gyro812

autism momma

Great post gyro.My oldest daughter was never diagnosed.She is now going on 24.I`m not sure if she is or not.My youngest has no diagnoses either.It`s to early to tell,with her.One thing for sure,she loves to go to school,and the companionship of other kids.My son is autistic,low functioning,and non verbal.I`m not sure he has any idea what autistic is.If I get the diagnoses for my young daughter,I will tell her,and probably come out then,as well.

autism momma

I have to admit.That I just now,read through about halh of the posts on this thread.I must have skipped over the top [osts,and just replied with my own answer.Jahki,I missed the posts where you tell about your life,kind of sound like Donna Williams.I also have to admit that i`m not as low functioning as some,yet some that seem low functioning in certain areas are highly intelegent in other areas.Thats where you loose me.I wasn`t as low functioning,yet some of what you talk about,I don`t get.I don`t think i`m even explaining it right.You can relate to my son better than I can.Even the book you mention.I doubt,that I could even comrehend a lot of it.Some things I read,I can`t even remember what I read after I read it.Some things I do get.Like reading the bible.I don`t get most of the meaning,and can`t remember a lot of what I read.Things that interest me,I can remember,if the meaning is hard to interpret,I`m lost.Not sure that makes sense or not.When I say,I could pass a test,if someone was screening me for autism.I`m not that far out on the spectrum.I didn`t have the difficulties you talk about,but i imagine my son does.Like maybe I should get him some off white shirts.Maybe that why he takes his shirt off all the time,and brings me another one.I never had a melt down in school,or really when I living at home,that I remember.They started when my life as an adult became to much to bear.As a kid,I could escape into my own world.Even at school,just sitting at my desk,I was off into my own little world,some of the time.If it were all the time,I probably would not have made it through school.I don`t usually get lost,except sometimes when I`m driving,and I don`t know where I`m going.If I know where i`m going,I can get there without even thinking about it.You should do a book,It would be fasinating.I still need someone like you,to help me figure out my son.I am going to get some off white shirts,to see if this solves the shirt problem.

Kali67

Recently I have been discussing AS with my daughter, it is still early days since I found out I was on the spectrum. My daughter has had great difficulty understanding how I could come to this conclusion, so she asked me. What traits do I display and why do I think I'm Autistic?

I ran off a list of the main ones, then I recalled certain incidents when I was a child and how I reacted to certain situations. How my parents behaved towards me.
Her reaction was "oh my god Mum, that explains it, I do all these things too".

My daughter is now 20 years old and she was not raised with me for the greater part of her childhood, her in New Zealand and I lived in Australia for some time.
We spent hours chatting about all this stuff that we recognized, and finally she came to the conclusion that she was also on the spectrum and this also explained why most of her friends were too. I have always noticed my daughter was different, even though she was not raised with me she displayed so many of my own traits, like a mirror. I have never pushed this on her, just wanted her to find her own way but offered her information if she asked for it.

She has come to the conclusion she has AS, she told me she had not wanted to see it because there is so much stigma over AS and to admit it is like admitting she was a reject.
I don't see autism as being this and told her that it is only the judgment of the ignorant, she can learn about as much of it as she wants. talk to her friends who she knows will understand her and don't bother with anyone else. They don't need to know. Be proud of who she is.

I have to say this was one of the most enlightening and healing conversations that I have ever had with my daughter, I am really proud of the young woman she is becoming and feel honored that she can trust me to be herself.

I wish I had known when I was younger, it would have explained a lot to me. I am now 42.

Kali

idahobot

I went through most of my life wondering why i was having so many problems. Some how i managed to get through school and find work that i could do well so most of the time my quirkiness wasn't the focus. but i still had (have) problems relating to people spontaneously. The work i have done for the most part i could work more or less from a script when relating to patients. I had to ask certain things, find out certain information, and give certain information. all very defined. Most of the work was mental, or mathmatic (now all computerized). The work i do now at both of my jobs i am not interacting with others very much. At the hotel i am checking people in or out but not often because i work 11 pm to 7 am. mostly i dont even see anyone. at the sleep lab after the patient is set up they go to sleep. the only time i am with them is during the set up and at the end to take the electrodes off. I can answer most of the things i am asked or refer them to their M.D. in the past i did mostly lab work. I think that for most of us we will do well if we find a way to have a job that we are interested in and that "fits" us.

Getting the diagnosis of Aspergers even at such a late time of life (age 60 at the time) was a shock but a very good thing in the long run because it explained so much of my life and problems. I finally am able to accept and understand myself and stop trying to be someone i am not. i totally understand now what Jahki is saying about "loving" her autism. You need to love yourself. it is the only way you can be happy in life. i have gotten to this point in life and have decided that the ones who need to know are some of my family, the closest ones, because they are more likely to be affected by it. as long as i am doing good at work they dont need to know.

Rania Z

Leo - the birds and the bees - LOLLL! Not yet; he still thinks that once a couple get married, they automatically "receive" a child as soon as they get home. That's another conversation that I will fret over soon :D

Roger - mentioning the greats like Einstein & Bill Gates will definitely help with putting the positive spin on things; thank you for the idea.

Dalcassian - thank you for the level of detail you went into to describe an incident - it makes things stick in my head more and be aware of what kinds of things may be confusing to my son.

Big Fuzzy - LOLLLL!!! Gyro, you have described the exact approach I will use with my son. He is such a funny boy, and whenever we want to do something he hates doing - like waking up to go to school - my husband and I often try humor. I read your post to my husband and we will definitely approach him that way; thank you for the advice.

Kali - I hope my conversation with my son is as positive as yours. It's good to hear success stories.

Idaho - I'm always on the lookout to see what my son would be good at and doesn't expose him to many people. His interest is in animals; not much can be done here in Egypt with that, but his hobby is photography. You should see the shots he takes & the angles & eye for detail - it blows me away!!! I'm considering this talent as perhaps a future job for him.

Warren Maverick

Looks like this topic shifted from telling at work? to telling ASD children about ASD? Absolutely yes on telling children about their ASD, or you will be tormenting them at exactly the wrong time over the issues they are dealing with, rather than being as directly helpful as possible. I've had to struggle to forgive my dad about things that neither of us understood at the time; in his view, I was a half-witted rebel without a cause. In my view, I was trying to do everything right, but having many more conspicuous difficulties than my peers, and since my grades were at or near the top, the presumption was that my problems were deliberate and somehow completely my fault. Don't allow your ASD children to suffer that way, the bullies will have many field days with your child while the school authorities occasionally pile on, leaving your hapless child completely bewildered and in despair. Meanwhile the NT children will stand aside, in effect winking at the bullies' malicious pranks and taunts and justify their neutrality by claiming they are merely bystanders - which is technically true. However, when this happens many times, the bullies sense they can do extreme things and not be challenged by anyone. Trust me, you do not want this to occur.

Jason Copeland

Warren thanks for saying that! Your post illustrates my experience also, and I strongly agree with everything you say therein.

autism momma

Good post warren.I was at times picked on.Other times I seem to fit in.Mostly I think it was because I was shy.I was to shy to ask the teacher if I could use the bathroom in first grade.I thought I could hold it until I got home.It wasn`t that long until school got out.I was wrong.I sat right there and wet my pants,and all the kids were laughing at me.I wanted to be invisible.

Jahki Brown

Justin
Same thing happened to me My teacher made me stand in front of the heater at the front of the class room to dry off. I don't think compassion was her strong point .
Jahki

birdman

I think if their was massive and mandatory testing for adults with AS the general public might be 'shocked' and 'surprised' at who qualifies as having an AS diagnosis.
I still think so much of the criteria could cover so many people who function very well even thought they might just 'ignore' or 'suppress' any odd thoughts or feelings. Hard to tell how 'normal' you are when you can't read the minds of others you know?
I mean if you manage to be a success in your chosen field what difference would it make to you if you lack social skills or you or others think yourself 'different' or 'eccentric'?
Just because many people with AS do have a problem coping with stuff (like me) doesn't mean they all do right? Or at the very least have been able to adapt and succeed using strong willpower or other abilities or resources.
People are not all the same after all.
I think this whole 'AS' are the ones that should be made to feel the 'outcasts' is crap and is ignorance on the part of an ignorant general, and far to often professional population.
I'm not trying to downplay any issues people have its just the public loves to play the 'look at the freaks' game (as I call it)
Reminds me of the overweight women waitresses or nurses I get once and a while who talk about,as they say, 'fat' people and how unhealthy 'they' are and how could 'they' 'do that to themselves' when those same complainers could stand to loose a half a ton or so themselves.
Denial is a heck of a thing.
And so is the new fad of labeling every seeming child that comes to the attention of some school administrator with to much free time on his or her hands.
Its more efficient to place a kid in a special needs class than to teach 'other' kids to give a crap you know?
Easier to manage the kids if they can categorize them too.
Once again not that there are not serious issues going on but the trend and fad does seem to be to label more and more types of people it seems to me. Not to help but to make other people feel 'they' are the 'typical' ones and the 'normal' ones.
Maybe?

[Updated on 1/19/2010 12:22 PM]

autism momma

I like your posts birdman.Again,How are the so called professional suppossed to help,when many of them are on the spectrum themselves,and lack social skills themselves,and some don`t even realize they are on the spectrum?They don`t even know what the real problems are,or what is causing the odd behavior.There are some good ones out there,but I gave up on trying to find one,after 5 years.My kid would be grown or dead,by the time I found anyone to help.I turned to a healthy diet to save my son.Even teacher that have been teaching in the field of special ED for many years,don`t know why the kids behave the way they do.Or what to do to help them.They stick them in a room by themselves,or restrain them.Yea,the professionals have all the answers.I do believe the numbers are extremely high for people being on the spectrum.Many are undiagnosed.

birdman

Just to make myself clear. I'm not saying all professionals are clueless or even that they might be on purpose.
But when the whole study of AS and other spectral disorders is changing and so new how can even the 'experts' agree on what AS is and isn't.

That might have not come out quite as I would have liked but give me a break I never graduated a thing except grade school.
Not many people can say they are a HS and three time college drop out.
It takes a 'special' kind of stubborn moron to say they tried and failed so often at so many academic attempts (just a joke, not the failing at school just the making light of a serious subject)

autism momma

I`m not saying they are all clueless either.Some have kids on the spectrum,and some of those are the one that mainly have a clue.They are the ones that can really help.

autism momma

I think the only reason I have a clue,is because I have a severly autistic son.My oldest child is probably on the spectrum,and never diagnosed.So if I never had my son,I probably wouldn`t know,I was on the spectrum,therefore,clueless.

Jahki Brown

Justin
I'm still here just not as noisy, ... Maybe wait until I've got another bathroom to renovate.lol;
I agree with you that I'm probably a lot closer to your son's experience than you are, that doesn't mean I would do a better job as his care provider than you are, I doubt that I would do as well as you in such a high stress situation, It'd be daily melt downs and over load.

I am really good at what I do though and I know with out a doubt; that is because of how my brain works. I grasp concept that are way too extreme for other people to understand and I can usually do a very good job of translating them back to common language for people who want to hear the translation...., usually if its personal to them. This is because I understand the concepts as an experience and I can describe that experience. Also, I love that experience because, from my perspective, it 's easier than what every one else is doing.... which is incredibly hard psychologically, emotionally and even spiritually.

I remember thinking as a very young child; " God this is terrible its a nightmare there has to be more to it than this. I don't know how people live with this as their only reality",.... And I suppose that's my issue with the current understanding of Autism, LFA people are being forced to live in a psychological space, generally considered the norm' by NT people which I am assuming is devastating and extremely painful and foriegn for them because it was to me and yet there is the ongoing attempt to force them to function according to the rules and criteria of that psychological space instead of really try ing to reach them and understand them on their level... brain patterns... what ever you like to call it.... We don't even have the language to express what I trying to say.

It's not that people are not doing the best they can. Its that they don't "get "some thing they haven't experienced and are reluctant to listen to and try to understand it from people who have.(so to speak) Or from people who are experiencing some of the devastation through their children. The ongoing interpretation of dis ability according to what can be seen of the LFA behavior and interpreting that person according to that alone and thinking, "Lets fix the behavior because that's the problem," is never going to get to the truth of it and will never alleviate the suffering, and while people are fixated on that interpretation there's no way through it that I can see.
Jahki

Jahki Brown

Justin
Black is the preferred colour for Autistic people. and very often there is discomfort with sleeves, polo necks and he may be a lot more visual than you are aware so one day he may be aware that his body has a slightly different shape and will be aware of how that looks or feels. There's body space issues too , I only have to put on an extra kilo and I lose a sense of my body space and keep walk ing into things and become very clumsy. I need mirrors because I ground myself by looking in the mirror. Its not just fluro lights , it can be over head lights or lights catching my eyes at the wrong angle, sudden changes of
temperature .......theres lots more , let me know what you think may be affecting him, some of it can be really subtle, I was at the art gallery the other day and was being followed around by the guard because I kept touching things, at least I managed to fight off the urge to lick the sculptures, my Nt companion was already in, "Oh my God !' mode.
I can imagine his response if I had've started licking the statue of David...
Jahki

Quirky2212

Jahki - you make me laugh. ~Quirky

autism momma

Jahki,I just noticed your posts.I agree with quirky,you make me laugh at times.There was a little girl in Justin`s class,that used to lick everything.My back porch is all natural light,as there are a lot of windows,and he hangs out there,so I imagine,he likes natual sun light.I think for many,the behavior,is from food allegies,or loud noise,or smells that are overwhelming,lights,or all of the above.I imagine,you have more of a clue than I do.I definately need some insight.He closes his eyes,and walks around sometimes with his eyes shut.What is that all about?

birdman

How about in a MDs office when you get distracted by the Doc. Writing something down. My imagination goes wild and I start to review what I think I said that I thought he thought was important that he had to write it down?
That's right I got lectured by teachers in their 'snotty' I can't do two things at once pandering voice yet they didn't see how they expected 'me' to do the same thing? That's right THEY were the ones who were the 'experts' in human behavior and/or child psychology (what few courses they 'slept' though while they did the whole 'college experience'(some probably not sober to think straight during test time)? Oh that's right now many do the 'half a day' required continued education 'joke' that turns into a liquid lunch for to many (that and complaining about the parents kids and their jobs)

Can you say 'unintended negative reinforcement or feedback?' I know I have problems trusting people but its not 'just' some anxiety disorder. I learn and notice things. How about being lectured on how its 'not polite to interrupt (its isn't polite to do so by the way) but then have the same 'pro' not notice himself do 'socially unacceptable things too' Oh that's right as an adult you should treat each other with respect (you should) but when you are 'trained' to do things you have to be careful when you have a person that learns real quick if imperfectly.

Or if you have a job that you can complain about things you are 'insightful' and 'deserve to complain. But if you are living on subsided housing you have to be looked down at by those half wits who its amazing they can even spell their own name much less speak.
Its one thing to 'teach' a person who has a 'cognitive disorder' its another who does not but has other issues least of which you 'notice details that the MD said was all in your head for years (nit wit)
Or when you are 17 and 'you' thought something was wrong with 'you' and had to convince your parents you were not 'right' (funny looking at their own behavior with 'adult' eyes, runs in family's remember?) So they thought in 'therapy' they would make you more 'social' by DISCOURAGING those tings you liked and encourage you to behave more like kids or people you had no interest associating with in the first place. (they couldn't have gave me a crash course in science or math NOOOO that wouldn't have been 'inappropriate' for someone my age.
I am not talking about things that are unacceptable for ANYONE to do but quirks and oddities that confused 'experts' that had more 'quirks' than I seemed to have.
By the way not everyone cares about the same things and the psychiatric community seems to be of one mindset when it comes to 'certain' things ie 'touchy feely tings' Other interests can be just as rewarding and just doesn't fit with 'your' social or personal, political or spiritual views. (do I have to spell that out for you guys)

Sorry but its a hard question to answer
To 'tell'?
I wonder?
Tell what?
That you are not like other people. WHO IS?
That you might have been bullied (tons of people were)
That you have a 'disorder' ... tons of people have 'something'
That you have 'special needs'? Join the frickn' club these days.
I just get frustrated hearing the very definition of what 'it' is might be changing again.
So tell them what? I ask again?
Experts don't even know what 'it' is all to often.
Lots more questions than answers.

I grew up when their was no 'it' but their were pleanty of other 'its' 'they' were certain I might have 'had'?
Now I am to feel that I need another diagnosis? Well I know what I am and what I am not not (professionals ruled out many 'things')

It's just that the IT is sill up in the air as to what IT is.
See what I am trying to 'say'?

(argg I hate words sometimes, who gets to make the 'rules' for the language again? that's right more 'educated' 'experts')

[Updated on 1/23/2010 4:56 PM]

[Updated on 1/23/2010 8:14 PM]

[Updated on 1/23/2010 8:17 PM]

Jahki Brown

Justin
I filter imput by squinting..... consequently in need of truck loads of botox....so he's probably doing an exaggerated version of that, the more stressed I am the more I squint, or if I just want to be away. I was addicted to the sun for most of my life and would cook myself for hours....ditto the botox...he may be vit' D deficient. I have a poor tolerance for harsh light that just comes from one direction. The touching, licking, smelling is probably to do with triggering sensory perception and identification, As an adult I quite like that about myself because it feels primal and natural but as a child it was some thing you'd get into trouble for and a child mightn't be able to control it. ie I know I can't lick statues in art galleries because people just 'don't do that' but if no one was watching I would and I'd think it was funny at the same time.

Birdman
There a big difference between who you had to be as a child and who you had to please, compared to who you can be as an adult. I think you spend the first seven years of your life..... thats how long it takes for your brain to grow to full size...... learning, what you spend the rest of your life unlearning.... don't quote me on that, it's just a theory, but really things that are a massive drama in childhood are mostly just choices when you become an adult. or probably should be.
Jahki



[Updated on 1/23/2010 9:11 PM]

[Updated on 1/23/2010 9:56 PM]

birdman

The problem is, also, I spent a good many years of my 20s and 30s being told by MDs and PhDs why I did things I did as an adult and my child hood wasn't even talked about. Why I might have been bullied was just a one sentence 'well who knows why kids pick on other kids' ... I wanted to know damn it.

I don't disagree with you but I am talking about being told and lectured by people who didn't even consider the fact that I had OCD maybe ADHD or autism type disorder as an ADULT and they told ME what was wrong!!!

I should have just not been so precise with my answers I guess when THEY asked me a question. You do know how MDs still diagnose people. They can't tell you you are AS or have a spectral disorder when they (or the ones I saw) didn't eve think a person with a more than 100 IQ could be this way.

Sorry I seem angry but I am. I want to follow the rules and I DO respect authority but when THEY and I are as much to blame for my messed up life....
You know what behavioral therapy is right? Its to 'straighten' out or 'fix' messed up thinking. It works fine if they get the damn diagnosis right.
Not if they treated me with things that most likely made me worse, question everything I do and say, be wary of ANY medication, and not trust the very people that I know I need to receive help from.

sorry I was to blunt but most of my 'problems' I am trying to relay are with dealing with not just teachers but 'professionals' that thought they know what the he-- they were talking about.
Remember they are still not sure that the heck even 'causes' this 'thing'.
Sorry its frustrating for me and it seem sometimes I am a stranger even in this land.
Ever have a Dr tell you you take things to serious but then hear him quietly berate his secretary because she miss filed 'your' file. He of course was the type of person who got mad when 'you' interrupted him and he 'I later found out' was a real pr--k.

Sorry I don't mean to sound so angry but I get real tired of the mental health industry and their collective of oddball mind game playing 'cwazy' characters. Esp the ex-hippie types who stare at you with those drug damaged one to many LSD hit crazed wackos eyes and ask...'what is normal after all? Try to be a 'right leaning' 'open minded' 'libertarian type' when so many of those 'kind and gentle souls' in the MH industry are 'liberal loons' (sorry) who think its their 'mission' to 'convert' your 'wrong' 'other' 'thinking' too (esp the lower level RNs and techs and such)
Ever have MDs and the staff 'fight' in front of you and they have them lecture YOU? Or how you seem 'less than worthy' to have 'them' treat 'you' as if you are a 'EQUAL!!!!!' after all???? (I know what I mean by that and so do one or two MSDWs I've meet who felt 'ostracized' because they had the G.D. nerve of becoming 'sick' and they where not not one of 'them' any more(once again I hope you understand my meaning with me being to much of a jerk)
Oh by the way .... its none of your G D BUSINESS if i believe in GOD or not so I wish some intellectual IDIOTS would have stopped 'preaching' their views in a 'professional setting'. (even my current Dr brought ut 'fundamentalist dogma' WTF did that come from A-HOLE???? I'm a ELCA Lutheran not exactly a fundamentalist fricken' sect?????) THAT WASN'T professional EITHER. (just found out my best friend might be evicted because she 'i think' she got 'sick' (MDs don't know what to do with HER either) That whole ECT sure DIDN'T work but it sure saved money huh??????? )

I know I have issues but I don't know were to turn anymore. Even my Dr is one of these Dr's that just seem to 'make it up' as he goes.

I know the reality of so many things but I am tired of trying to explain what I know I am trying to say with professionals that don't even seem to know what the heck 'they' are talking about.
Much less having those MDs and others tell you they know what you mean but their actions seem to have, in retrospect, show they, might have just been, placating you, for your good, FOOLS. Or that I can remember some gaggle of psych RNs and Psych Techs joke how 'gifted' people think and used an example of
if a tie cost 15 dollars
a shirt cost 25 dollars
a suit cost 20 dollars
how much does a hat cost

But then when you don't find it funny but GET IT, They lectured you that you only scored 115 on an IQ test so you are not 'that smart' What ever they meant my 'that' smart. meant.
Shall I talk about group therapy and trying to explain things to people who are not AS or autistic and have THEM lecture you on how 'they' do the same thing.
My MD thought I was an alcoholic too (that was fun till it took weeks and the 'experts' who 'do' deal with drug and alcohol abuse said I was not.

Sorry I am just so tired of labels and being told how and why I do things 'as an adult' and that if I just' get out more' things will be better or if I just 'socialize more' it will work out. Funny when I do do the whole socializing thing I get 'sick' more often than not again (great advise a holes).

I do have some hope 'things' will get better know that I think "I" might have figured out what is 'wrong' with me (my Dr says it does make sense to him) Why do I think he wouldn't have figured it out if I didn't say anything?

Sorry again but this is the only outlet I have to 'talk' things over with people that don't seem to have their own prejudged Ideas or agendas.

I mean typing words on a keyboard in my living room.
I am already hearing my family say 'we told you so' or some other 'smug' talk when I tell them I might have figured out some things.
EXCUSE ME, NO ONE EVER TOLD ME I MIGHT HAVE HAD A SPECTRAL DISORDER.

Esp my mother who herself 'doesn't like it when people hug her'.
I wonder why huh? :)

I always felt the freak.
Now I know I am in a way.
Now I have other freaks in my personal life (NOT HERE I MEAN) act as if I am atypical.
Sorry folks I have never in my life meet ANYONE for ANY REASON or NO who was TYPICAL.

Now I am worried and upset at myself for typing this.
Oh that's right as Ive been told virtually ad infinitum;
Everyone does those things {insert my name here}
Don't worry about it

{Updated on 1/25/2010 8:13 AM}

[Updated on 1/25/2010 8:34 AM]

Mizzysmart

Hi Im new here and Im so glad there is a group for Aspergers. I am undiagnosed Aspie and I dont have a desire to be. I have been in therapy for depression, anger management and put on meds for racing thoughts. My biggest anxieties came from lack of proper communication...yet it has always been overlooked. I was simply "the peaceful quiet one" out of 10 siblings. When my siblings would have friends over they befriended me because I was intelligent, intriging and somewhat mysterious. When I got too much attention then they turned on me and said things like she always knows or she always gets this right or that...and i was isolated like it was bad because I got good grades and got the attention of anyone despite the fact that i rarely initiate conversation. In my youth i decided to fit in and my grades suffered and i became a sponge and mimic social norms but in the end i was thrown out and called a "sponge" and a "manipulator" by my only two NT close friends in the world and i stayed away from ANY IDEA OF FRIENDSHIP. Guys thought i was cute so they approached and i remeber thinking i must be a walking *female private area* because it is all they want from me ...so i became promiscuos and actually never liked having sex. I am seen as aloof and obsessive over languages art numbers/multiplication, I am now married and have 2 kids ( my husband is Scientist and he has a little AS too! I would tell certain people about AS but i can remember an old Boss basically wanted to know what was wrong with me and said my co-workers think i should communicate more. They were afraid of me and some were intrigued....there is a look you know that some NT will give you. So like i said in some cases its good to explain to them .I dont know why but even being labeled as Crazy instead of odd or AS people think you are going to start hurting them in some violent way. I even get this look from some church members who think im Crazy or being abused because i dont get too close or engage in social reciprocity. I do try but often sensory problems like too much lighting or too many eyes searching my face or too much talking and i dont know when to hug or interject my point of view or respond to their appropriately. (I know my spelling is horrible).

Birdman-
I do feel for you! However you must consider also that time ,tecnology and information seem to move together in an NT world. Many people with AS had the technology of the computer but the information had to catch up to NT and their time to understand it. Only then was it able to be distributed to everyone. So using this idea in the MH area the case of your AS was presented in chilhood the current information was propably not correct for your diagnosis so they found and gave you what they thought fit AS. MD'S supressed AS oddities with meds and told you to try harder perhaps go get laid or "get out more". After all what did you need if you didnt have head banging or self destructive behaviors (no offense). The truth is all the pass little aspies running around (before time technology (online groups) and information finally caught up to the mindset of NT) which went uncatergorized, mingled in with NT. Some usually did the best they could under excruciating circumstances Other are in mental institutions catergorized and over medicated and have a list of having "a hard life". Yet they are all Adults now in a NT world which is just figuring out what Aspergers thought, behavior etc. really is. They have survived and AS parents like me are glad my kids can have a name for their difference and know that they are not some lone Crazy kid that no one wants to talk to for too long.I say if the AS label, category or diagnoses (whatever its called) Gives you or anyone Consolation (for AS time , technology or information taking to long to catch up and missed many under their radar) I say, Go For It!

rbalogh

You know, most Drs. are probably on the spectrum to some degree. One needs to be highly visual and have strong associative skills to be a doctor. To them aspie qualities really aren't that out from what they consider the norm (themselves). Unfortunately, adult psychiatrists receive little to no training about ASD. Only the child psychiatrists get the training. Hopefully that will change with moe attention and better understanding of adult ASD.

Birdman, Your frustration and anger about your treatment by the psychiatric and mental health community sure is strong. Is it helping to vent your feelings on this network?

Mizzysmart, I'm very sensitive to certain sounds. Most modern music, esp some with the loud bass or other strong backgrounds drive me up the wall. Social situations are work!
Natural lighting can feel soothing, but the bright yellowish, flourescent lighting can trigger migraine type headaches.

rbalogh

birdman

thank you mizzysmart
you do seem to me to be today sorry smart i mean (that kind of word play 'can be' fun if not real odd, when i do it intentional)
thank you
i should say

Mizzysmart

No! thank you for sharing (*o~) *winking*

deeslexia

For me , the difference in Knowing is that of OTHER STUPID or OTHER WISE .
It's that basic - not to others , maybe , but to ME .